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HOMELANDER

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[ It doesn't occur to him that this might be a misfire — nor does it take more than a second for a response to come through. ]

any guy stupid enough to do that deserves worse than death.
thanks for the pic, hot stuff.

[whoops! she's going to play this off like this is exactly how it was meant to happen and not a mistake. what's the harm in it, for him?]

i agree! i would take them apart limb from limb and bury them separately
how long do you think it would take to get rearranged here?

i'm the most beautiful creature you've laid eyes on, yes. want me to burn you when i see you again? 🔥

only one way to find out. next time a guy pisses you off
well, i'd offer to help, but i know you don't need it. just keep me in the loop.

[ There's a pause before the rest, though — he sees the jump from Point A to Point B, but burning— it makes him think about the lab, makes him cold rather than hot. ]

burning's not really my thing.
but if you can get your hands on some zinc, we could try a blindfold.

you like looking at dead bodies?

[she frowns down at the text, but doesn't think anything of it.]

what is your thing? besides the blindfolding and milk.

and blood.
oh i know!
i will ride you in a milk bath while you are blindfolded

i like seeing what you can do.
dead bodies i can take or leave.
what's your thing?

(and, obviously, yes to the milk bath part.)

you are lucky i like showing off
my thing? i have lots of things 😉

you'd be a fool to deny yourself what i can offer

good thing i'm no fool, then.

[ well ]

okay, name one thing.
something high on the list.

hm.

the higher on the list, the more animal it becomes. are you ready?
i wish to be covered in the blood of my prey and eat their heart while being mated with.

[ making a mental checklist ... ]

and who or what do you consider to be prey?

anything less powerful than i

or some poor beast in the forest🤷‍♀️ a fox must eat, and i enjoy a challenge

okay

[ Okay, as in doable. ]

you got a favorite type of game to hunt?

wolves :)

[how many times will she have to say it? likely only one time:]

i hate dogs, homelander! they make my skin crawl
but elk are good, too

Edited (mobile tags i hate u mobile tags ) 2026-01-12 08:15 (UTC)

[ ok, important q: ]

they make your skin crawl but not enough to get busy while you're killing them?
or should i be putting elk in at #1 on the list?